I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So squirting runs in the family.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
