He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
