i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
