I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
