The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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