Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
