you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drake has all the answers
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
