My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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