The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
