New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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