theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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