If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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