He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
