I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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