Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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