sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
