i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
