you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
