Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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