Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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