the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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