I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
