My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
