I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
