I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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