Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
