Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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