I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
