I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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