My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
