At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
