the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
