i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she pinky promised me she was 18
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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