Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found puke in my bra..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
