So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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