there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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