I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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