i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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