I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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