why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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