Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
