Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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