Can Purell be used as lube?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
