operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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