Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
