areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
