I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have post one night stand depression
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
