U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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