I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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