awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
