I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
