I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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