he wants to bone in the snuggie
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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