I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
