the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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