i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
