He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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