ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
