..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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