So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
