guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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