Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
