I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
