so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.