Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Randomize
Follow @tfln