we're chasing vodka with high fives
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
