i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
