ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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