My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.