Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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