I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?