I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never underestimate the power of titties
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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