So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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