He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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