i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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