I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
