honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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