I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you win again, gameday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
