You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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