Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
