Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
