So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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