Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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