Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
